It's A Series Of Tubes!!!! - Ted "Theodore" Stevens

Jiggers! The Cops!

nospam@example.com (TubeMaster) — Tue, 31 Jul 2007 07:52:11 -0500

Anyone else having Bugs Bunny vs. Rocky flashbacks?

He's not in the stove!
Oh-ho! So he's in the stove, eh, rabbit?
Would I do this [lights a match and throws it into the stove, causing an explosion] if my pal Rocky were in there?
You might, rabbit, you might!

In other news, the raiding agents were overheard discussing the illustrious Senator's choice of countertops. "I don't think the engineered stone plays well with the tones in the wood. not at all!"

Wonder what else they found in there. "Uh, no, those magazines aren't mine. Er, or something."

Link: adn.com | Alaska political corruption : Federal agents raid Sen. Ted Stevens' Girdwood home

What? Politicians Corrupt!? Say it Ain't So!

nospam@example.com (TubeMaster) — Mon, 16 Jul 2007 07:35:53 -0500

Yeah, I know this has been talked about for a while now, but I figure its par for the course, no?

So, here's a bit of info on the Tedsters latest problems....

Stevens is facing scrutiny from federal investigators for a home remodeling project, an investigation that dovetailed with a corruption investigation into state officials.

Meanwhile, his son Ben, a former Alaska Senate president, was one of six state lawmakers who had their offices raided by the FBI last year. He has not been charged and has denied any wrongdoing.

Home remodeling project? Wonder how hard it was to find those old mail tubes....

Link: adn.com | front : Forecast for Young, Stevens clouds up

Technorati Tags: ted stevens, corruption, news flash!, or not, series of tubes

I'm bad. Pardon me.

nospam@example.com (TubeMaster) — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 22:25:20 -0500

Oh Ted. Ted, Ted, Ted.

"Better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."

Well, whoever said it was onto something. Is it really that cold in Alaska? Does anyone up there even give two airy farts to the wind who's in office. I'm betting not.

Hear it for yourselves....

10:56: OMG, Stevens is back and better than ever!
10:57: Stevens: "Let me be just the Devil's Advocate here. Could I just decide I want to keep my wireline and I want to add wireless to it? Can I have two providers on the same number?"
Awkward pause: "Um, I don't think that technology exists right now."
Stevens: "If I had an IP phone, by definition, I'd have to leave the wire... wireline phone to use it?"
Answer: "I think that is the case with the technology today."
Stevens: "Is it coming? Why shouldn't I be able to say, just by a little switch on my phone at home that's wired, I'm going off on the wireless now, I want to use this as I ride my motorcycle."
Stevens: "I'm bad. Pardon me."

so...

1) isn't it generally considered unsafe to A) use a cell phone while driving and B) remove one hand from your handlebars while driving a bike? A+B = A bit of OH SHIT! as you crash and burn! and...

2) I can only imagine the conversation. "What? I can't hear you! This bike is really fuckin loud! I'll have to call you back! yeah!"

Yeah, yeah, maybe he's got a point, that it would be somewhat cool to have a single point of contact wherever you may be. Or not. I dunno.

Link: Ted Stevens Wants To Switch Between Phones "As I Ride My Motorcycle"

Technorati Tags: ted theodore stevens, series of tubes, i'm bad, pardon me, ride my motorcycle

P-Mail

nospam@example.com (TubeMaster) — Tue, 23 Jan 2007 09:50:06 -0600

Maybe this is right up Ted's alley? I mean, maybe his internets might get delivered faster this way?

Link: The Kemblog: P-Mail: 'Like e-mail, only slower'

Technorati Tags: series of tubes, p-mail, internets, ted stevens

Won The Battle, But The War Is Far From Over

nospam@example.com (TubeMaster) — Fri, 08 Dec 2006 18:57:33 -0600

Looks like the end of the road for Senator Stevens' "Series of Tubes" bill as the current congress adjourns.

(And there was much rejoicing...yea!)

Bad news is a new crop of loonies will be coming in, and I'm sure will bring us lots of laughs to come.

Save the Internet Blog Â» Blog Archive Â» Huge Victory for Real People as Telco Bill Dies

Technorati Tags: series of tubes, ted stevens, net neutrality, congress, circus midgets

A Hit and A Miss!

nospam@example.com (TubeMaster) — Tue, 17 Oct 2006 18:54:28 -0500

Well, 1 out of 2 isn't that bad. I'm a little surprised he wasn't on the second though. Wonkette brings us the "Crook List" (Ted included) and RadarOnline gives us "America's Dumbest Congressmen." Still baffled why Ted isn't on that one, unless these ten just outrank the Tedster on the dumb scale... enjoy!

Links:
The Crook List - Wonkette
Features : Radar Online

Technorati Tags: ted stevens, series of tubes, crooks, dumbest congressmen, obvious

Senator T-T-Ted Stutters!

nospam@example.com (TubeMaster) — Thu, 05 Oct 2006 19:18:41 -0500

Unffffort-t-t-tunately no one c-c-c-an be t-t-told ab-b-bout the t-t-tubes. You hhhhhave to sssssee th-them for yourssssself.

(updated) uh duh you buh ga che!

Technorati Tags: ted stevens, series of tubes, stutter remix, uh duh you buh ga che!

I'll Take Kidney Infection Please

nospam@example.com (TubeMaster) — Thu, 21 Sep 2006 08:35:39 -0500

...and make it a particularly bad one. Apparently the Tedster has latched onto the effectively useless poll as the word of God or something, and is using it as evidence of what the people want. Oy.

Put that back on the truck there, Ted.

Which of the following two items do you think is the most important to you: Delivering the benefits of new TV and video choice so consumers will see increased competition and lower prices for cable TV? OR Enhancing Internet neutrality by barring high speed internet providers from offering specialized services like faster speed and increased security for a fee?

Best quote from the STI blog:

As Matt Stoller wrote, âthe rest of the questionnaire is similarly structured along the lines of âdo you want lots and lots of pie or would you like a kidney infectionâ.â

Link: Save the Internet Blog Â» Blog Archive Â» Senator Stevens Spams for the Telcos

Technorati Tags: net neutrality, ted stevens, series of tubes, wtf, kidney infection

19 Months

nospam@example.com (TubeMaster) — Tue, 12 Sep 2006 19:14:06 -0500

Cripes has it been that long since this whole net neutrality thing started? That's like, what, a year or something?!

In all seriousness, this would be good news. Bad news for this site! But good news for the internet.

Link: Net Neutrality 'May Well' Kill Bill, Says Stevens - 9/12/2006 11:11:00 AM - Broadcasting & Cable

Technorati Tags: net neutrailty, ted stevens, only a bill, on capitol hill

Doesn't Fall Far From The..Uh..Frozen..Uh..Tree

nospam@example.com (TubeMaster) — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 21:07:55 -0500

Jiggers! The Cops!

Man, a real chip off the old ice-block this one. There's a joke about selling ice to eskimos but thats 1) in bad taste and 2) a little too obvious.

Alaska Scandal: Wonkette Readers Report Raid! - Wonkette

Technorati Tags: ted stevens, alaska, raid, offices, corruption, justice department

Probably Not All He's Holding...

nospam@example.com (TubeMaster) — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 19:48:34 -0500

They also told me they had gotten "lots" of calls.

I believe the correct term is "enormous amounts"!

All those actually surprised by this raise your hand.

(pause)

What's more troubling is this "secret hold" business. Just WTF is a "secret hold?" (other than where he's got his hand at the moment.)

Funnier is that Senator Coburn isn't really anyone's hero here in the cultural center of the universe. *shrug*

Link: Is Senator Stevens Holding Up Coburn-Obama? | Redstate
Via: 'Fess Up, Tubemeister! - Wonkette (Thanks Guys!)

Technorati Tags: ted theodore stevens, series of tubes, coburn-obama, bacon